The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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