That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
