did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
