i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
