Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
