summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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