Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
