you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
