yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
