Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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