Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
