Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
