I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
