The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Small penises have feelings too.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
