Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
