I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i love accidental penises.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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