No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
