Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
