I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
