You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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