I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Someone came in the potted fern
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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