All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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