it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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