she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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