Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
