Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
