operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
