I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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