I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
