what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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