I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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