You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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