fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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