Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
