This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
