They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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