Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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