whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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