i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
