My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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