You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I love you. Go after that dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
