Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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