its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
