I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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