That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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