I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
