I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
