I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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