we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
