I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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