are you still at the devil's house?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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