Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
