I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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