Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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