Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we're making bets on your personal life
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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