My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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