It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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