Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
worst night to have a conscience
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
