Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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