I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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