It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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