Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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