i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize