Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
