The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize