i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm getting married
To pizza
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
