Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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