I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
