literally had 100 drinks last night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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