I want to walk on stilts...naked
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I would ride that face into the sunset
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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