This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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