hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
