Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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