hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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