Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
