i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
