There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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