i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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