Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
